What if something happens to me????

My husband is very capable but sometimes I do look at him and worry what would happen to the kids if something happened to me.  I'm sure that everything would end up being OK but I definitely worry.  I'm the main caregiver and I'm home with them all of the time so I know everything about them and I manage the house, kids and animals while  my husband leaves at 7am and comes home at 7pm and really doesn't have a clue.  There are times that I sleep in and I come down to find the animals haven't been fed simply because he had no idea what to feed them and the kids had no fruit and were given McDonald's for breakfast because he couldn't figure anything else out.  I know I should be happy that they were at least fed but I still worry.  Any other mom's or stay at home dad's worry about this?  Sometimes I feel like I should write everything down just in case.

My Lupus Tattoo

Last night, I went with a friend and got an addition to my butterfly tattoo.  I got the purple awareness ribbon placed behind the butterfly.  To me this tattoo symbolize my fight with Lupus but it also shows that I will not be beaten by Lupus.  When I originally got the butterfly I didn't get the awareness ribbon because I didn't want everyone to know that I had Lupus but now that my children are older, my daughter tends to tell quite a few people so even strangers know about my disease.  To some extent, she seems proud of me and it makes me proud of myself.  I was talking with her about it last night and she said that the new part of my tattoo (in her mind) was to show that I had Lupus and that even though sometimes I may be not feeling well I could still laugh and have fun.    She is proud of her mommy that even though I am facing a hurdle, in her mind, I am not letting it slow me down.
I left her room last night feeling so happy because for the first time in my life I truly felt like I had partially beaten Lupus;  one of my biggest fear is that it will impact my children and I realize that it is impacting them but not in completely negative way.   I am teaching them that even in the face of chronic pain they can still live, laugh and have fun.

Truly hate days like this

I truly hate days when I wake up and it takes every effort to just move from my bed to the couch.  I feel like such a bad mommy when I feel like I can't interact with the kids.  Yes, there basic needs are met and this is only one day but it is still a day out of their lives where I feel useless to then.  They had fun playing together and then we watched movies on the couch but I still feel so drawn.   I think everything has finally caught up to me.  Fortunately, it is Sunday so I was able to do this I just hope that by tomorrow I have more energy.

Wow, it has been a very long time!

Wow, I can't believe it has been so long since I have last checked in.  My life has been crazy and I have been having some health problems but that isn't any real excuse for not checking in...in fact it probably would have done me good to check in and write about some of my frustrations!!!!!

Oh well, it is summer right now and the kids are home for the summer and we are going full-bore with life and to be honest I am completely and utterly exhausted right now.  It is so hard right now.  My baby sister just got married last week and it was an absolutely beautiful wedding and I'm so happy for her but her bachelorette party was Thursday, rehearsal Friday and wedding was Saturday and then we had to drive the 7 hours home on Sunday so needless to say, I am completely exhausted.
Lauren and Ryan were great and had so much fun at the wedding and so did Conor and I but I am definitely paying for it this week.  The kids wanted to resume our normal go-go-go lifestyle but I just couldn't.  I am so tired.  It is 6:45 on a Saturday night and I'm already in my jammies trying to keep my eyes open...I think Daddy is on duty tonight :)

I have to remember that it is OK to ask Conor to step in while he is home for the weekend so that hopefully I can regain my strength for the upcoming week.

Diet soda no more!!!!!

 As you all know, I have a major diet coke addiction but over the past few weeks, I have been cutting them down about about 1 per day which I'm very proud of.  Well, today, because I didn't feel well, I lapsed back into my bad behavior and had more than I should have.  Guess what...it is is 2am and I'm awake because I was laying in bed with such bad twitches that once again the whole bed was shaking.  This hadn't happened in about a week and it got me thinking to what triggered it the last time and I realized the last time was when I had more than a few diet sodas in a day.  I had been getting the "twitches" on a pretty regular basis but then they had gone away until last week and then again today.  The neurologist had been chalking them up to my CNS involvement but could it be due to the diet soda?????

Paleolithic Diet

I was talking with a coworker the other day about this diet which basically has you eat what your ancestors ate and it seems to make sense.  Basically you eat non-processed foods and what the cavemen ate.  I've done some reading and there is some anectodal evidence that it has helped with Lupus symptoms so I think I may give it a shot.  It is going to be very difficult to stick to as it cuts out all of my favorite foods like sugar, breads and pasta but in the long run, even if it doesn't help with my lupus it will help me to eat better.

I did it

I got my butt in gear and made it to the gym this morning!!!!  Yeah to me!  It sucks because the only time that I can go is 4:30am because of the kids but at least I went.  I sure hope that this is the beginning of good things for me.