I really have no idea what I was thinking but I went out and got a part time job. What am I nuts? I'm working 10-5 on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays doing database programming like I used to do prior to having my children. I was so excited about the job but now that my first day of work is tomorrow, I'm scared out of my mind. Both of my children are in school on those three days so I will only be missing about 2.5 hours with them on those days when they will be in aftercare, which they love, but I am an absolute mess. I have spent the last 3 days crying on and off about missing my "babies". They have gone to aftercare this whole past week just to see how they would do and how they would like it and they absolutely loved it; everytime I showed up to pick them up they asked if they could stay later but I'm the one suffering.
I'm torn between wanting to do something for me and also between trying to manage being mommy, wife and a person with a disease. I know that mentally going back to work for me is going to be a very good thing especially since it is only 21 hours per week but physically, I'm very afraid of what it is going to do to me and if I will be able to handle everything. 2 months ago it seemed like such a good idea to start looking for a job but I never thought one would come along so fast that had everything that I was looking for but now that the day is here, I am so scared.
I guess only time will tell if I will be able to handle everything but I sure wish that I had a magic crystal ball that I could see into the future with; it would make decisions like this so much easier sometimes.