Thursday, May 27, 2010

My poor husband falls by the wayside.

Over the past few weeks to months my poor husband has fallen by the wayside.  C is the most supportive, loving husband that I could ask for so why do I allow myself to take him for granted.  I make the assumption that he is always going to be there for me and then I neglect him.  I don't think there is anyway that I could be a working mom with my lupus but even if I could he works long,hard hours (with a 3 hour daily commute) so that I am fortunate enough to stay home with L & R.  C never complains when the house is a mess because I am too tired to clean, or we eat take-out for a few days in a row.  He offers to do the laundry and vacuum for me on the weekends so that I can just concentrate on feeling good and taking care of the kids.  C doesn't mind my "steroid" mood changes and has come to expect them along with all of the other wonderful side effects of the meds.
He really is a wonderful man and husband so why do I allow him to fall by the wayside all of the time.  I often feel so spread out by being a mommy, wife, lupus patient, & homemaker that one of them tends to fall off.  Unfortunately, it is C that tends to fall off.  By the time he gets home from work at 7pm, I am so tired from the day that we sit on the couch and talk until I fall asleep by 8.
How do I change this?  How do I change my priorities?  By changing my priorities, what else is going to fall by the wayside?  I guess it makes the most sense to let the house fall by the wayside but we often have people over and I can't have them come into a messy house and with two young children, it can get messy.  I would love to hear comments on how you balance everything because I'm not sure what to do.  I know that things need to change just not sure how.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Loosing my identity

Do any other SAHM's ever go through phases where they feel like they have lost themselves?  I should preface this by saying that I love being a SAHM and feel so fortunate to be able to stay with L & R but there are times when I feel like I have lost myself.  Prior to having children, I was a clinical database builder and was making a nice income and moving up in the company.  Once I had my first child, I realized that I couldn't work full-time as it just wasn't for me.  Now though, they are getting older and need me less and less and I feel like I am just floating in space.  I don't think I will ever go back to work full-time but I'm going through a phase now where I would love to find a nice work from home part-time job.  I depend on my husband for all of our income and if I want to buy him something nice, I'm using "his" money to buy it.  He doesn't look at it this way but I do and I just get lost sometimes in it. 
I would just like something to bring in my own money.  My husband keeps telling me that I can work for him and help him to make more but that isn't the same to me.  He doesn't understand it and I just don't know how to explain it to him.   

Monday, May 24, 2010

Either daring or stupid....not sure which

Well,  I am feeling better so I have decided to attempt to start exercising again.  This is either going to be very dumb on my part or is going to go OK.  Unfortunately, I don't think I am going to know until I start and get underway for a few days.  I am going to try and resume the couch to 5K program today but make sure that I listen to my body.  I really think that if I could shed 10-15 pounds, I would feel better as there would be less weight on my legs, especially my knees and ankles which have arthritis in them.

Let's hope this week marks an improvment and not a backwards slide.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Guilty feelings again

I absolutely hate these feelings of guilt that I am having about my kids right now.  As I wrote the other day that I am having a flare, I feel guilty because my kids aren't understanding it.  They keep asking me to play with them but I just don't have the energy to do anything but survive right now.  I'm very lucky that they are less then a year apart and truly enjoy playing with each other but even they have their limits.  I took them to a movie yesterday and will take them to my daughter's ice show today and then lunch but without having any more energy we will probably come home and watch tv.  It doesn't help that the weather is rainy so I can't even let them go outside and play.  I hope and pray that by tomorrow I will have the energy to take them to the playground and play with some friends.
This just sucks and I hate feeling like my disease is running both my life and my children's lives.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Here we go again

So, I made the mistake of saying out loud that my lupus was quiet and that I was doing awesome.  That all changed on Friday.  Halfway through the day I started with severe pain which was held at bay by percocets but finally by Sunday I started having a hard time breathing so it was off to the ER for me.  It was once again determined that I had swelling around my lungs, heart and other parts of my body.  Back to pain meds and high doses of prednisone I go.
I"m so frustrated by this as I had been doing so good and was even exercising only to be struck down by this now.  I was starting a program called the couch to 5K program and made it through the first week and was so excited to start week #2 but now I am scared to death to try to exercise again.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Lupus Foundation of New England

This is a shameless plug for donations.  My sister has decided to run in the 2010 Falmouth, Massachusetts Road Race.  For those of you that don't know my sister, she doesn't run (just like me) so this is a huge accomplishment and honor.  She has decided to raise money for Lupus and all donations are going to the Lupus Foundation of New England.  If you would like to make a donation the link is
Thank you so much Erin, it means more than you will ever know.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Teeth Pulling

My 5 1/2 year old daughter lost her first tooth yesterday, which was great but do you know how difficult it is to pull a tooth out when your fingers don't work properly.  At times I have a hard time doing buttons, gripping zippers and things like that, so to grip a tiny little tooth was near to impossible. 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Lupus Awareness Month

I just wanted to remind all of the readers that this is Lupus Awareness Month.  You can check out the great site for Awareness at
Thanks for helping to raise awareness of this lousy disease.  The more people that are made aware of this then the more funding we will be able to get in the hopes of one day finding a cure for Lupus.