Monday, September 20, 2010

Making up for lost times

I think my guilt over my illness has gotten the better of me as I seriously think I may have overextended myself with activities for my children.  As you all know, I have a 5 & 6 year old and one is in kindergarten and the other is in pre-K.  There isn't a lot going on with my son yet aside from his football practices which are twice a week and then games on Saturday.  However, my daughter really wants to do Daisies (Girl Scouts) and the only way that she can do it is if I volunteer to be the troop leader.  I spoke to them on Saturday and they basically said that she would be waitlisted but not to hold my breath.  So, now in addition to being Team Mom for Cheerleading, Class Mom for school and on the PTA, I am going to be a troop leader for my daughter's Daisy Troop.  I know that I will probably be just as active with my son when he gets into school also.
I really hope that I am not overextending myself but I also am beginning to realize that these are things that I can do even though I am sick.  Most of the work involves emails, phone calls and that sort of thing which I can do while laying on the couch and resting.  I also haven't seen her so excited to have mommy doing these things with her in a long time.  My husband is concerned that I am doing to much and maybe I am but to see the joy on my kids' faces makes up for my fears.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Nutrisystem and weight loss

Well, after complaining about my weight and being in a pity party for the past few weeks, I decided to do something about it.  I joined Nutrisystem and am starting it today.  Even though I may not loose a lot of weight quickly due to being on the prednisone but at least I am feeling like I am doing something about it.  I will keep you all updated but I am very proud of myself for trying to retake charge of my life.  Lupus can take control completely away from you and that frustrates me so much that I feel like maybe if I can take partial control back then I will be in a much better place.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Feeling down lately

Recently my husband told me that I am not myself lately and that I seem depressed.  I definitely am feeling depressed even though I have nothing to be depressed about.  I know why though; I have gained weight and for some reason, I have developed acne.  So, right now, I feel like I am fat and have teenage acne, making me feel very very unattractive.  My husband tells me it doesn't matter but it matters to ME.  I want to look in the mirror and like the way that I look; which I hate right now.
I ended up joining Nutrisystem this morning in the hopes that it will help me to loose some of my prednisone weight.  I know that I should be ecstactic that I am feeling better (even though I was in the hospital on Saturday) and not care about the extra weight but I do.  I also know that if I can loose some weight then I will feel better both mentally and physically.  Having an extra 35 pounds on my small frame can't be good for my joints in my legs.
I honestly feel that if I can rid of the acne and loose at least 10 pounds, then I will feel much much better about myself and in turn will break out of this depression.  Wish me luck as this is not going to be easy.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Weight Gain

I just need to vent....I have gained 22 pounds in the last 5 weeks and there isn't anything at all that I can do about it. I spoke with my doctor and it is all water weight but there still isn't anything to be done. None of my clothes fit, I hardly eat anything and I keep gaining weight. I know I should be grateful that I am feeling better, which is probably why I am complaining, but this is ridiculous. The doc said it will definitely come off eventually but will take time. I am so upset!!!!!   I feel so unattractive and just plain fat.  Everyone keeps telling me that I still look good but I feel so fat that I don't even want to go out in public.  I haven't been this heavy since I was pregnant with my children.  I definitely am getting more depressed about this.  I really hope that now since the prednisone is decreasing and I'm now only on 15mg the weight will begin to come off.  I know that I should be grateful that I am feeling good enough to complain about the way I look but it still sucks.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

My baby girl is off to school

I can't believe it but my baby girl started Kindergarten yesterday and I don't really know how I feel about it.  I had a mental breakdown a few weeks ago and spent the night sobbing about it but have been much calmer about it since she was so excited.  I can't believe how fast the time has gone by and I'm so very fortunate to have been able to be wiith her everyday.  There may be times where physically I can't do everything but at least I was with her.
My son will start school next week and will be going Monday, Wednesday and Friday for full days so I am hoping that time will allow me to rest so that when I am with them, I am at my best.  It is definitely going to seem quiet without both of them in the house but I know they are both ready for this next part of their lives; however, I don't know if I am ready to have them grow up :(

Monday, September 6, 2010

Happy Labor Day

Happy Labor Day to everyone.  I hope that everyone is able to spend this weekend relaxing.  I know that I am doing a lot of relaxing.  Relaxation is a wonderful thing!!!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Our newest addition

Playing with a new toy
After 11 hours of driving in one day, we finally arrived home with our newest addition, Dakota.  She is our Golden Retriever puppy and we are all in love with her.  The kids are having so much fun with her and she appears to be the very mellow, calm dog that we were looking for.  The entire 5 1/2 hour ride home, she slept in her kennel and then has been playing with her toys and the kids.  I've attached a few pictures so that you can see what a cutie pie she is.
Sleeping on the ride home