Last night, I went with a friend and got an addition to my butterfly tattoo. I got the purple awareness ribbon placed behind the butterfly. To me this tattoo symbolize my fight with Lupus but it also shows that I will not be beaten by Lupus. When I originally got the butterfly I didn't get the awareness ribbon because I didn't want everyone to know that I had Lupus but now that my children are older, my daughter tends to tell quite a few people so even strangers know about my disease. To some extent, she seems proud of me and it makes me proud of myself. I was talking with her about it last night and she said that the new part of my tattoo (in her mind) was to show that I had Lupus and that even though sometimes I may be not feeling well I could still laugh and have fun. She is proud of her mommy that even though I am facing a hurdle, in her mind, I am not letting it slow me down.
I left her room last night feeling so happy because for the first time in my life I truly felt like I had partially beaten Lupus; one of my biggest fear is that it will impact my children and I realize that it is impacting them but not in completely negative way. I am teaching them that even in the face of chronic pain they can still live, laugh and have fun.