Loosing my identity

Do any other SAHM's ever go through phases where they feel like they have lost themselves?  I should preface this by saying that I love being a SAHM and feel so fortunate to be able to stay with L & R but there are times when I feel like I have lost myself.  Prior to having children, I was a clinical database builder and was making a nice income and moving up in the company.  Once I had my first child, I realized that I couldn't work full-time as it just wasn't for me.  Now though, they are getting older and need me less and less and I feel like I am just floating in space.  I don't think I will ever go back to work full-time but I'm going through a phase now where I would love to find a nice work from home part-time job.  I depend on my husband for all of our income and if I want to buy him something nice, I'm using "his" money to buy it.  He doesn't look at it this way but I do and I just get lost sometimes in it. 
I would just like something to bring in my own money.  My husband keeps telling me that I can work for him and help him to make more but that isn't the same to me.  He doesn't understand it and I just don't know how to explain it to him.   

Either daring or stupid....not sure which

Well,  I am feeling better so I have decided to attempt to start exercising again.  This is either going to be very dumb on my part or is going to go OK.  Unfortunately, I don't think I am going to know until I start and get underway for a few days.  I am going to try and resume the couch to 5K program today but make sure that I listen to my body.  I really think that if I could shed 10-15 pounds, I would feel better as there would be less weight on my legs, especially my knees and ankles which have arthritis in them.

Let's hope this week marks an improvment and not a backwards slide.

Guilty feelings again

I absolutely hate these feelings of guilt that I am having about my kids right now.  As I wrote the other day that I am having a flare, I feel guilty because my kids aren't understanding it.  They keep asking me to play with them but I just don't have the energy to do anything but survive right now.  I'm very lucky that they are less then a year apart and truly enjoy playing with each other but even they have their limits.  I took them to a movie yesterday and will take them to my daughter's ice show today and then lunch but without having any more energy we will probably come home and watch tv.  It doesn't help that the weather is rainy so I can't even let them go outside and play.  I hope and pray that by tomorrow I will have the energy to take them to the playground and play with some friends.
This just sucks and I hate feeling like my disease is running both my life and my children's lives.

Here we go again

So, I made the mistake of saying out loud that my lupus was quiet and that I was doing awesome.  That all changed on Friday.  Halfway through the day I started with severe pain which was held at bay by percocets but finally by Sunday I started having a hard time breathing so it was off to the ER for me.  It was once again determined that I had swelling around my lungs, heart and other parts of my body.  Back to pain meds and high doses of prednisone I go.
I"m so frustrated by this as I had been doing so good and was even exercising only to be struck down by this now.  I was starting a program called the couch to 5K program and made it through the first week and was so excited to start week #2 but now I am scared to death to try to exercise again.

Lupus Foundation of New England

This is a shameless plug for donations.  My sister has decided to run in the 2010 Falmouth, Massachusetts Road Race.  For those of you that don't know my sister, she doesn't run (just like me) so this is a huge accomplishment and honor.  She has decided to raise money for Lupus and all donations are going to the Lupus Foundation of New England.  If you would like to make a donation the link is http://www.firstgiving.com/erinjodoin
Thank you so much Erin, it means more than you will ever know.

Teeth Pulling

My 5 1/2 year old daughter lost her first tooth yesterday, which was great but do you know how difficult it is to pull a tooth out when your fingers don't work properly.  At times I have a hard time doing buttons, gripping zippers and things like that, so to grip a tiny little tooth was near to impossible. 

Lupus Awareness Month

I just wanted to remind all of the readers that this is Lupus Awareness Month.  You can check out the great site for Awareness at http://www.lupus.org/newsite/pages/lupus-awareness-month.html
Thanks for helping to raise awareness of this lousy disease.  The more people that are made aware of this then the more funding we will be able to get in the hopes of one day finding a cure for Lupus.