Saturday, March 20, 2010

Being a Burden

Well, I was once again diagnosed with pericarditis but at least this time I am not in the hospital for it since I think we caught it early enough. 
There is something that my husband said that really bothers me.  C and I tell each other everything and we really don't keep secrets from each other so I know that he didn't mean this is a negative way but it has really gotten me thinking. 
He was talking to an aquaintance who is very religious and who has been trying to get C to go to church with him now for awhile.  This aquaintance feels that C needs to go so that the church community can help him with this heavy burden that he is carrying.  Can you guess what that burden is????  Yup, it's me.  It absolutely breaks my heart to think that I am a burden on C.  That was one of my big fears that I had when we were engaged was that I was going to be a burden.
Am I a burden on my family?  When I look deep down inside of me, I don't think that I am.  I think that I am a very productive member of this family aside from when I have surgery or something like pericarditis which kicks my butt. 
Would our family be better without me?  I don't think so but we would all be better without the Lupus but unfortunatley, I can't change this right now.   
Should I be worried what other people think about me?  In my head, I know that I should just worry about what my family and loved ones think but in my heart I do worry about what everyone thinks.  I know this aquaintance is just trying to help C, but to call me a burden really hurts. 
I don't think anyone that is sick is a burden or would choose to be a drain on their family and friends.  Sometimes we just can't help it and need a little extra help but when we can help out we are there for anyone and always do the most that we can.  Often times, I am not asked to help out because friends don't want to add stress to me, so in those cases I usually just find another way to help out and just do it;)

Please, until you live in my family with me, while I live with a chronic illness, don't ever begin to assume that you know what I can or can't do.  For all you knnow, I may be one of the most productive people of society no matter how I feel .  So, please, I beg of you, don't ever call me a burden.

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