Thursday, December 3, 2009

Get well, Mommy

About 10 days ago, I was admitted to the hospital for pericarditis (inflammation of the lining surrounding the heart) and this was the first time that my children were faced with mommy being in the hospital.  It broke both mine and my husband's hearts to see them crying about mommy not coming home but I really didn't have a choice.  My daughter started praying to God to make mommy feel better.  Why should a 5 year old have to even think about this?  How do I make her feel safe and secure?  She knows that when people get old they go to heaven but now she has this fear that I am going to go to heaven and I am not old.   I know that kids are resilient but sometimes mommies are not. 

It has now been 10 days and it seems like both kids have moved on from it but I'm still reeling with the guilt of leaving the kids, even though it was not my fault.  Mommy guilt, no matter whether you are sick or not, is just part of being a mommy.

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