Tis the season to be jolly!!! I love the holidays and from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas Day the only thing that I listen to on the radio is Christmas music. It always makes my day and I love listening to the kids sing along to the familiar ones like Jingle Bells and Rudolph while driving in the car. I always figured that holiday songs were safe, right...well, not for my 5 year old who has a mommy that is sick.
There is a beautiful song called New Shoes (I think that's its name) and it is about a little boy that wants to buy his mommy shoes because she has been sick for awhile and doesn't have much time before meeting Jesus. The boy doesn't have the money so the man behind him in line helps him pay for it and the little boy is so happy because it means his mommy will look beautiful when she meets Jesus. This is a song that would make anyone tear up while listening to but it made me almost sob when my daughter asked "Are you going to heaven at Christmas since you are sick?" She had a tremor in her voice and it was clear to me that she was now dreading Christmas. No child should ever dread Christmas!!!!!
I quickly told her that mommy is going to be here for a very, very long time and that she doesn't need to worry about mommy going to heaven. Once she realized that mommy wasn't going to die at Christmas she seemed to move on and is once again excited about Christmas but I wonder how much is still going on in that little head of hers. I'm sure that more questions will come the next time she hears the song on the radio.
Who would think that a beautiful Christmas song would trigger such intense feelings from a 5 year old?
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This post really moved me. I've known you, Cory, for over two years, and you really do amaze me. Although you may feel and think you have no energy, your vibrancy comes out through your children. They are so very fortunate to have you as their mom.
ReplyDeleteTrust me - we all have some level of Mommy Guilt.. Its can be an illness or a bitter horrible divorce... but what you have to realize...it’s OUR guilt and US imagining how they feel... Most of the time once you give them an honest answer to there question... they can move it... It will make them stronger and better people... You are a wonderful mom!
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